I love to talk – and truthfully, sometimes I do it too much. It’s not that I can’t shut up it’s just that I love to be a part of conversations and I have a lot of opinions. Sometimes, it doesn’t always promote great communication between me and the people I am speaking with. I came across this really great set of tips of 10 mistakes we make in conversation and after reading through them, I feel pretty bad, because I’m guilty of all of these at one point or another. Truthfully, everyone is and we usually notice it at some point during the conversation. This is a really great compilation of the kinds of mistakes and communication pitfalls we can run into when we’re trying to talk to people, but what happens when you realize that you’re feet first into a conversation and you’ve been breaking all the rules?
When you feel the conversation breaking the rules, how can you refocus and gain control of yourself so that you can walk away feeling like everyone involved in the conversation was able to contribute instead of just listening to you? Here are three tips to correcting the mistakes you might be committing in polite conversation.
Let’s take the having to be right mistake that a lot of us make. We can easily mistake discussion for debate and feel like we have to win a conversation in order to sound convicted in our principals. Instead of defending your own position, try to understand the other person. Ask open ended questions about why they feel the way they do – you’ll gain another person’s perspective, you’ll be sharing information, and you might learn something about the other person in the process.
Many of us are guilty of not listening when engaged with others. It’s not necessarily that we are actively disengaged; rather, it could be something as simple as the human brain is guilty of being distracted by our own silly train of thought or something shiny. There is never any guarantee that you won’t lose listening to the other party, but there are some things you can do to keep your focus, like always keeping eye contact with the other party. If you don’t look at the shiny stuff, you’re less likely to get distracted by the shiny stuff.
Who hasn’t been boring a time or two in conversation? I’m certain I’ve bored the pants off people and I freely admit it (ask my husband). It comes from the need to speak, to seem engaged in conversation that there can be no such thing as a comfortable silence and we must speak. So with this need, we speak about anything we can think of from our cats to the state of our shoes and frankly – that can be painfully boring for some. If you find yourself talking to someone who is obviously bored out of their mind (falling asleep while standing up is a good indication) do one simple thing: be quiet. Finish up your story in one sentence and then immediately move to the next subject. Here’s a thought: ask the other party a question that would encourage them to contribute.
The truth is that when it comes to communications, we all make mistakes. Everyone who is reading this has been guilty at one time or another of one of Henrik Edberg’s wonderful list of mistakes. The difference is that people who don’t recognize the signs of these mistakes being committed, they usually keep making more. What communication mistakes are you guilty of making and how have you corrected the behavior in the middle of the conversation to get things back on track?